just...well rambling

Senior year is tough and expensive. I have had to choose my battles very wisely lately to be able to fit everything in with cheerleading and student council and college classes I have no time for anything anymore. All my Fridays feel like Mondays now. Well the only good thing is that the ACT is being held the same place as the game tomorrow so it will be an easy comute from nannys to the highschool..twice. I have a movie date with Dishaal on Sunday to rewatch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. That is if I get to go. Since I didnt call Tam and tell her that I got the okay to stay at nannys I have a feelings she is goin to be mad though. I was talkin to her about it last night though, she even suggested callin in the morning. So I think I will be okay because we had already confirmed it and junk. I dont know how i feel about this situation with him yet though...I mean I am completely comfortable around him and stuff and when i talk to him over the phone it feels right..but Idk i guess I am just overanalyzing it as always. well Im off to look over my ACT prep packet and going to bed. After all I do have to wake up at six tmm.

just tossing around the meaning of love...excuse the grammer =)

love...what is it really? this crazy amazing infatuation that we have for others. Is it just lust with a different name?
Is it real? or do we just take the fond feelings that we feel for someone that we can stand to be around for long periods of time and call it love so that we wont be alone?
What exactly is the difference between love and infatuation?
 both are strong emotions drivin by feelings for another...and why exactly are we as humans so infatuated with star crossed lovers and love that ends tragically?
 I think that shakespeare and all the other poets and play writes had a twisted sense of love..or maybe they had it right and we have it wrong..maybe the quick burst of love prompted by lust is the most special
I mean think of it this way...The terror and adrenaline rush of the fact that they cant be together represents a challenge and as humans we love a challenge especially when it has deep emotion in it that makes the pain increase..I mean do we get off  on the pain of lovers..or are we so desperate to find our own lover that the fact that love conquers all is catalyst that makes us believe that anything is possible if we love hard enough..but you see the problem with that is that sometime, somewhere, and somehow  someone is going to end up hurt. because honestly we see the lovely Happily ever after sign at the end of a book or a movie and that is suppose to give us some magic hope that we are going to have someone that we will love forever.
Wrong! Okay so maybe Tristan and Isolde and Romeo and Juliet didnt get a happily ever after..they lost their love faster then they wanted and had to live the rest of their lives well okay Isolde had to spend th rest of her life knowing that he is gone, but honestly isnt getting a happily ever after the same thing? I mean yeah you get more time together..40 or 50 years if your lucky, but then the inevitable happens..we die! So is love really worth the heartache of suffering without the one you have been with for half your life? And again is it the fear of loneliness that drives us to the brink of love? Because in the end either way; love or no love we die...so is it better to live with the lonliness knowing that love might or might not be just an infatuation or a challenge or a gap filler for who knows what your missing in your life? Or do you set all reason aside and
go with the feeling that you have found someone that totally completes you and makes you dileriously happy? I mean is love some phrase or is it a feeling so intense and strong that we feel like the oxygen in our lungs is about to explode everytime we are around them..and that we dont want to have a world were they are not in it? Which leads me to the fact that if said love exist..is there only one person out there that completes you? is that the cause of all the divorces now? or is love something that we make? something that develops for a person overtime until we are just sure that thats the person that we want to spend the rest of our lives with? can we be happy without that completeness and fool ourselves into thinkin we are in love?
is that all we do? we hear the term love and want what shakespeare wrote about so badly that we fool ourselves into thinkin that what we feel is love? maybe it exist maybe it dont..maybe love doesnt come with answers its all about questions that cant be answered...about feelings that cant be described..maybe love is the battle between or heart and our mind? the logical part of us and the part that only feels..do we interpret love or just let it be...but wouldnt it be so much more enjoying to just throw logic to the wind and live in the moment..play with our feelings and be well happy? Does love actually exist? That is the
question and honestly I cant answer..but you ask any of the other thousands of people who are in said love and they will probably tell you it does and that its like nothing you have ever felt before.. I guess we all just have to figure it out on our own..

first blog...nightmare night

So let me start by saying I SUCK at directions like legit. So Im staying with my pop for the weekend and decide to make a nice little coffee run. The store is less than 5 minutes away and Im pretty confident about knowing where I am at this point( I had already used my gps to get to his house). So on the way back I apparently turn down the wrong road and luck would have it Im lost...Now let me tell you my pop lives in like suburbia so ALL the houses and streets look alike and its like 11 at night so of course its dark and Im freaking out because well IM LOSTTT! So I finally figure out that Im not going to find the right street so I pull over to the side of the road and put Karen in( Karen is what i named my gps) and come to find out Im only one road over from where the house is...So I find my way out of that mess and you think that my luck would return.WRONG! I pull up to the house and see this guy standing in the middle of the road just staring at me..so i walk(power walk) to the door go to twist the knob and...its locked! Now i know what your thinking just knock. Well you see the problem with that is that it would wake the other people up and Im not gonna do that. So I call my Pop to come open the door....no answer! Now i hope you didnt forget about the guy in the street cause I surely didnt, he was still there watching me..while im calling away to get inside he  is just standing there being all creeper like( my friends would call him a lurker but I choose to use my own words) So after my 7th time calling..while hiding behind a truck I decide to call my friend Heather..which in my time of crisis laughs and tells me the smart thing to do( I would pretend to tell you that it was my idea but you probably wouldnt have believed me anyways) but anyways Heather tells me this brilliant thing called knocking on his window!! So i sneak around to his window and start knocking..3 minutes of knocking later I get a blind lifted up..IM SAVED!! So I would say the moral of this story is to be prepared for anything..but honestly not many people would be caught in this situation. So Im gonna tell you that if your gonna go for coffee make sure its the big cup cause you never know when your gonna be sittin behind a truck at 11 at night calling for a way into the house.