alls fair in love and..wait loves not fair!!!

So since my last great update of life i have stopped talking to the guy i was talking to and started dating another. Well if your asking if this one is gonna last the answer is NO. I was basicaly filling you in that there was another guy but alas I ended things with him too. lol He was perfect. Well okay in girl world when we say what would be great in a guy ie( he sends good morning text, he agrees with whatever I say, he would go anywhere to see me, he calls me beautiful all the time) he was perfect..but not for moi. I have actually beaten my two week rule though, he lasted almost a month...two days short actually. Which I can say that if me and Dishaal were actually together when we were talking he would have the record at like four months. So I know that if anyone has read my other blogs I usually ramble on about a guy and all that good stuff and i have probably bored yall outa your minds. (  I am southern so yes I say yall). so I will end my guy topic on the fact that I am now bak to talking to Dishaal...well not exactly talking because we both like being single and have no time what so ever to even consider a relationship but in basic form we are talking at night regularly and making out (since Im abstinent that is the extent of sexual content). so on to the actual topic that I was thinkin about...graduation. I am graduating in basically 62 days!!!! then my mom is getting married. yes right after my grand moment of adulthood my mother has decided to tie the knot to a guy that loves the fact that the world revolves around her. Which im not sayin that me and my mom dont get along, she just has this mentality where its allllllll about her. I live with my dad so of course she doesnt really have to take care of me and i have a job so I have expenses covered but really she could at least want to help me out and be involved with what I do and wear and stuff. I feel that she just doesnt know what to do with me...she had me at sixteen and out of 17 years she has been a major part like...6. So you can see where I find it a little unfair. I have a little brother though...and of course he was the wanted one and of course he is a planet on her solar system...I feel like a comet..in and out of her solar system not really fazing anything....but yeah graduation should be fun..Im thinking of singing "for good" from Wicked! which I have officially seen this pawst weekend and of course it was beyond wonderfulllll! and since my grades are reasonably good I will hopefully graduate with high honors....alright enough of this i really need to do virtual school. =)

problemmms

So I have gotten myself in some sort of mess. I have to find out how to break things off with the guy i am talking to right now while keeping our friendship in tact. I also have a new guy friend that I am very scared that I might get to attached after a while but I really like talking to him. They say that guys and girls cant be friends because it usually ends up that one falls for the other or some other catastrophy that ends the friendship. So you can understand my relunctance to start friendship with the opposite gender. on top of all this im still interested in this guy that i was talking to a couple of months back. He didnt want a girlfriend at the time and now..idk. but he doesn really talk that much so I have to initiate most conversation which I can do but I never know what he is thinking and I dont want to annoy him so...greatttt stuff right.

Okay to say that I am bad at relationships would happen to be the understatement of the year! I have a big Scarlett Ohara problem, for those of you who have not read Gone with the Wind this means that I want what i cant have and once I get it I dont want it anymore. So you can imagine that the guys in my life never last very long(I call it my 2 week rule). Im not clueless to this problem and i dont have any parental issues or any of those other issues that emotionally distant people tell their therapist they have. I simply cant seem to keep interest in a guy for very long. My friends and I have concluded that I love the thrill of the chase, and as accurate as that is you will be suprised to know that I have actually fallin in love through all my wacked  hairbrained chases.  The longest relationship I have ever been in lasted 2 months which turned into one of the best friendships I ever had(until he moved and turned into a jerk), but even after he moved we talked and he came to visit me and I was hooked. Of course through that all i had other guys and infatuations and at one time i had an infatuation so mind blowing that I thought I was in love. Now back to my pessimism I have recently been talking to someone for going on 2 months and though its comfortable Im pretty sure its not going anywhere, and that I am only sticking in it because I want to prove to myself i can. i dont feel any spark, and we were friends beforehand so conversation is not a problem. I just dont see a future for it that i will actually develop overfriendly feelings for him. Oh and back to the guy i was in love with we had a big falling out after I realized that he was more important to me than i was to him and i have not contacted him in 3 months(this is a big thing). So here I am in a partial relationship i see going nowhere my heart on the mend and to top it all off Im pretty sure Im going to end up an old maid if I cant find someone to keep me interested for a long period of time. So this is just another one of those things where I had to get some stuff off my mind and figured that i would just put it on my venting and rambling page. I dont know what I want at this point maybe my standards are just really high and noone can make me see them clearly, but why should i lower my standards when someone that has it all might be out there...?